|A STORY OF LOVE, HOPE, AND MISSED OPPORTUNITIES
||[Feb. 15th, 2008|12:28 pm]
|||||You and Me-Lifehouse||]|
This is a story about how I came to meet a girl who as a certain tendency to cheat, who has the most adorable evil glare known to the human race, who helped me break out of my own personal shell, who has a pair of shoes that are more deadly than any bullet, and who I love more than she will ever know.
Ok there is only one place to start this. Eighth grade Mrs. Matheny's room, this is where it all began. This is where i first met the person who forever changed my life. It just so happens that the first time that I actually met her she ended up chasing me around a room with a yard stick but from that moment on I knew that she was special.
As high school began i was just beginning to understand the feelings that I felt toward her and so I spent half of my freshman year deciding whether or not I liked her. After deciding what my feelings actually were I dived head first into my new goal and that was to do whatever it takes to make her happy.
As my sophomore year started I fully understood what I had to do however I was too afraid to actually come out and say what it was that I felt. I spent the entire year trying to get closer to her and in my mind I succeeded however I quickly found out that this wasn't as true as my one track mind had made me believe.
Near the beginning of my junior year is when my entire world got a punch in the gut. This is the point, if you haven't already guessed it, when Terry comes in. This pretty much killed me....my mind had ignored all of the obvious signs and had focused on the only thing that I had found important at the time, her. The only thing that got me through this time was the look she gave me when she walked out of the stairwell as the bell rang. It was a look of complete happiness and I was not about to stop this...it may have been a devastating day for me but I had come to realize that this day was the day that she was truly happy. I continued to feel depressed and it didn't help that she eventually began to bring him around...I would never tell her but this was like ripping my heart out and lighting it on fire...however the relationship eventually ended, at least for a bit, while I sensed that she was very upset couldn't help but feel a little happy. This was my chance this was the moment that I had been waiting for, but like the idiot I am I completely missed my opportunity and a week later I was the one who was depressed.
In my mind my senior year was my greatest opportunity. Finally he was gone...mostly... and I could finally get some time with her. It just so happened that we would be together pretty much every day and I honestly thought I would finally get things to go my way...however like most things in love it never ends like you thought it would. Chess club meetings were the closest thing that I ever got to a date and one in particular I'll never forget. This was the meeting in which the club watched some movie dealing with chess and as we sit down she looks at me and ask if I wanted to share popcorn...my heart did a somersault. For the next week things just seemed to get better and better...she started to wait for me after class and she was acting more openly toward me. Again this was my chance right...sadly no....as I said before I'm an idiot actually I'm just someone who couldn't build up the courage to ask her about us until it was too late. My lowest point approached in the form of a chess club meeting. The meeting went fine and as we walk away from the room to leave we enter the stairwell and descend. We make the turn and it is at this moment that I realize that he is waiting there....I was crushed I thought I was making progress and my mind went numb. It took ever bit of self control that I had just to avoid breaking down right there. It was Christmas so I gave everyone a box of candy and got into my car...I lost it, I broke down and I couldn't stop.
The second half of my senior year was what can be seen as a rebuilding time...I didn't feel betrayed but I did feel like an idiot for missing yet another opportunity. Eventually things got back to the way they were but this time I assumed nothing would come from it. It wasn't until her sister said something about her liking me that I questioned everything that had happened and again hope returned. I began driving her home, thanks to me finally getting my license, and we began to spend more time with each other after school (even if it was just waiting for the buses to leave and to play Pokemon). However as graduation neared I once again was unable to find the courage within me to just come out and say it. As graduation began we had one last moment...as we walked into the gym she was lagging behind so I waited for her. As she approached she gave me a smile...I'm not sure what this meant but I'll always remember it. The graduation ended and he showed up for project graduation...as it came to an end I was at my breaking point...all I wanted was to go right up to him and beat the shit out of him. I had enough control over myself to refrain from this but it wasn't until afterward that I realized that I was a complete jerk near the end of project graduation. There she is asleep on his shoulder...my mind for the first time in five years put her needs out of them and thought one thing...WAKE UP AND GET YOUR HEAD AWAY FROM HIS DAMN SHOULDER. I know that was selfish and afterward I felt bad for even thinking it.
After graduation she moved back to Kanawaha Falls and closed herself off to the world for most of the summer. As college started she talked to me again and I once again realized what I had missed. After that initial communication I didn't hear from her for quite sometime. It wasn't until last week that we started talking again and once again I let hope filter back in...she says that she will try to get on more and it seems that she is still the girl that I fell in love with so many years ago.
I've had this on my chest for three years and it has done nothing but hurt me so here I am near tears because of all the memories of the times that I missed my opportunity typing this up and hoping that she will come online so I can talk to her...LOVE SUCKS
If you haven't figured out who I'm talking about then you are an absolute idiot.
God I'm a coward.