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A Contemplation of Love [Aug. 26th, 2008|02:17 am]
[Current Location |Marietta]
[Current Mood |calmcalm]
[Current Music |The Sound of Silence-S&G]

"Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that they feel the same."

"I wished for nothing beyond her smile, and to walk with her thus, hand in hand, along a sun-warmed, flower-bordered path."

"I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal."

"i'll be the grapes fermented, bottled and
served with the table set in my finest suit
like a perfect gentleman.
i'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the
ancient brick where you will sit and
contemplate your day.

i'll be the waterwings that save you if you
start drowning in an open tab when your
judgement's on the brink.
i'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
albums back as your lying there drifting off
to sleep.
i'll be the platform shoes and undo what
heredity's done to you: you won't have to
strain to look into my eyes.
i'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped
straight to the throat with the collar up so
you won't catch cold.

i want to take you far away from the cynics in this
town and kiss you on the mouth.
we'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of
this scene, start a brand new colony
where everything will change, we'll give
ourselves new names (identities erased.)
the sun will heat the ground under our bare
feet in this brand new colony.
everything will change..."

"Let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we?ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end"

"My heart is ever at your service."

"To be your friend was all I ever wanted; to be your lover was all I ever dreamed."

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."

"If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you made me smile, I would have the whole night sky in the palm of my hand."

For those who may read this know this, the entry you have just read has nothing to do with recent events and in fact I decided to do this on a whim to cure my boredom after clicking a pop-up. Even after saying that I can not deny that my past experiences played a role in the making of this entry
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[Current Location |My room]
[Current Mood |depressedStupid Memories]
[Current Music |You and Me-Lifehouse]

This is a story about how I came to meet a girl who as a certain tendency to cheat, who has the most adorable evil glare known to the human race, who helped me break out of my own personal shell, who has a pair of shoes that are more deadly than any bullet, and who I love more than she will ever know.

Ok there is only one place to start this. Eighth grade Mrs. Matheny's room, this is where it all began. This is where i first met the person who forever changed my life. It just so happens that the first time that I actually met her she ended up chasing me around a room with a yard stick but from that moment on I knew that she was special.

As high school began i was just beginning to understand the feelings that I felt toward her and so I spent half of my freshman year deciding whether or not I liked her. After deciding what my feelings actually were I dived head first into my new goal and that was to do whatever it takes to make her happy.

As my sophomore year started I fully understood what I had to do however I was too afraid to actually come out and say what it was that I felt. I spent the entire year trying to get closer to her and in my mind I succeeded however I quickly found out that this wasn't as true as my one track mind had made me believe.

Near the beginning of my junior year is when my entire world got a punch in the gut. This is the point, if you haven't already guessed it, when Terry comes in. This pretty much killed me....my mind had ignored all of the obvious signs and had focused on the only thing that I had found important at the time, her. The only thing that got me through this time was the look she gave me when she walked out of the stairwell as the bell rang. It was a look of complete happiness and I was not about to stop this...it may have been a devastating day for me but I had come to realize that this day was the day that she was truly happy. I continued to feel depressed and it didn't help that she eventually began to bring him around...I would never tell her but this was like ripping my heart out and lighting it on fire...however the relationship eventually ended, at least for a bit, while I sensed that she was very upset couldn't help but feel a little happy. This was my chance this was the moment that I had been waiting for, but like the idiot I am I completely missed my opportunity and a week later I was the one who was depressed.

In my mind my senior year was my greatest opportunity. Finally he was gone...mostly... and I could finally get some time with her. It just so happened that we would be together pretty much every day and I honestly thought I would finally get things to go my way...however like most things in love it never ends like you thought it would. Chess club meetings were the closest thing that I ever got to a date and one in particular I'll never forget. This was the meeting in which the club watched some movie dealing with chess and as we sit down she looks at me and ask if I wanted to share popcorn...my heart did a somersault. For the next week things just seemed to get better and better...she started to wait for me after class and she was acting more openly toward me. Again this was my chance right...sadly no....as I said before I'm an idiot actually I'm just someone who couldn't build up the courage to ask her about us until it was too late. My lowest point approached in the form of a chess club meeting. The meeting went fine and as we walk away from the room to leave we enter the stairwell and descend. We make the turn and it is at this moment that I realize that he is waiting there....I was crushed I thought I was making progress and my mind went numb. It took ever bit of self control that I had just to avoid breaking down right there. It was Christmas so I gave everyone a box of candy and got into my car...I lost it, I broke down and I couldn't stop.

The second half of my senior year was what can be seen as a rebuilding time...I didn't feel betrayed but I did feel like an idiot for missing yet another opportunity. Eventually things got back to the way they were but this time I assumed nothing would come from it. It wasn't until her sister said something about her liking me that I questioned everything that had happened and again hope returned. I began driving her home, thanks to me finally getting my license, and we began to spend more time with each other after school (even if it was just waiting for the buses to leave and to play Pokemon). However as graduation neared I once again was unable to find the courage within me to just come out and say it. As graduation began we had one last moment...as we walked into the gym she was lagging behind so I waited for her. As she approached she gave me a smile...I'm not sure what this meant but I'll always remember it. The graduation ended and he showed up for project graduation...as it came to an end I was at my breaking point...all I wanted was to go right up to him and beat the shit out of him. I had enough control over myself to refrain from this but it wasn't until afterward that I realized that I was a complete jerk near the end of project graduation. There she is asleep on his shoulder...my mind for the first time in five years put her needs out of them and thought one thing...WAKE UP AND GET YOUR HEAD AWAY FROM HIS DAMN SHOULDER. I know that was selfish and afterward I felt bad for even thinking it.

After graduation she moved back to Kanawaha Falls and closed herself off to the world for most of the summer. As college started she talked to me again and I once again realized what I had missed. After that initial communication I didn't hear from her for quite sometime. It wasn't until last week that we started talking again and once again I let hope filter back in...she says that she will try to get on more and it seems that she is still the girl that I fell in love with so many years ago.

I've had this on my chest for three years and it has done nothing but hurt me so here I am near tears because of all the memories of the times that I missed my opportunity typing this up and hoping that she will come online so I can talk to her...LOVE SUCKS

If you haven't figured out who I'm talking about then you are an absolute idiot.


God I'm a coward.
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AHHHHH!!!!....AHHHHH!!! [Dec. 16th, 2007|02:03 pm]
[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |depressedI can't watch the Packer game]
[Current Music |I'm here without you-3 doors down]

The power is out that is all.
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BAH [Dec. 15th, 2007|02:43 am]
[Current Location |Home]
[Current Mood |blahblah]
[Current Music |Nothing Better-The Postal Service]

Well this is officially my second day of break but it feels like the first. When I got home Thursday I fell asleep at 6:30 and that was Thursday. When I awoke I had come up with a way to pass the time until christmas gives me games to play and my brilliant plan was to beat/rebeat all of my games that I currently own. I've alomst got Zelda, Metroid, and Call of Duty finished so I'm hoping that I will still have stuff to play next week. The 80's version of Attack of the Show was great and a little weird.

Well I don't really have much to say other than

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Finals....BAH [Nov. 16th, 2007|11:19 am]
[Current Location |dorm]
[Current Mood |exhaustedI need a break]
[Current Music |I'm here without you-Three Doors Down]

Lets see....oh yeah I HATE FINALS, actually I hate my FYSE 101 term paper. The paper is killing in the most literal way, I haven't felt this bad is a long time. Oh well, thanksgiving break starts next Wednesday and I can't wait....SLEEP!!. I recently recieved volumes 9 and 10 for Eureka Seven...only two more dvds to go and I'll have the entire series YAY!! I love that show.

As this year stretches on I begin to realize that college is as pointless as high school. In fact it may be even more pointless. It doesn't matter if I study I still pass and as long as I pass I get a degree. The degree is the reason we go to college just as college is the reason we go to high school. All of this would be much easier if this process could just be cut out, it would also get rid of a bunch of useless worrying over grades and stuff.

Well that is all I have to say......bye

"Don't beg for things, do it yourself, or else you won't get anything"-Renton and Adrock Thurston
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To the Center of the Sun [Oct. 25th, 2007|10:26 pm]
Ok, I'm a bit upset with livejournal...they keep killing my background image. I've replaced it twice this week, I really wish they would stop because I really like that picture.

Well this week has crawled by because I am bored out of my mind. The Marietta College RPGA is holding a Magic the Gathering draft this Saturday so at least for one day I may not be bored. Other than that life is dull....really dull.

PS: Livejournal please leave my background picture be....it has feeling too you know.
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Prerelease [Oct. 1st, 2007|10:23 pm]
[Current Location |Dorm]
[Current Mood |blahblah]
[Current Music |Monday Night Football]

Well last weekend Zac and I went to the Magic The Gathering prerelease for the Lorwyn block. We played in two two headed giant tournaments and wouldn't you know it we won. We didn't just win we killed the competion. In the first tourament we didn't take any damage and in the second one we only took damage at the beginning of the game. All in all it was a good weekend.

Well that is pretty much it.
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Wednesday...Bleh [Sep. 26th, 2007|10:27 pm]
[Current Location |dorm]
[Current Mood |blahblah]
[Current Music |Diary of Jane-Breaking Benjamin]

It's Wednesday and another lab...yay.....bleh. Other than that it has been a wonderful day. My english teacher ending up getting sick which means no class so that left me with only one class and a lab for the day. Also I bought Metroid Prime 3 and IT IS AMAZING. It is reason enough to buy a Wii. Tomorrow should be good, it is the first meeting of the video game club which Zac and I created so WOOT. We are having a Super Smash Bros. Tournament so we will win.

Thats all.

P.S. Im going to the prerelease so the weekend will be good

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GLASS WOOL SHOULD DIE [Sep. 19th, 2007|10:47 pm]
[Current Location |Dorm]
[Current Mood |pissed offI HATE GLASS WOOL]
[Current Music |American X]

Ok, well today is Wednesday my most dreaded day of the week. This is due to the fact that I have a Chemistry Lab from 7-10pm and today was horrific. Imagine sticking you hand into a jar filled with little sharp pieces of glass...got that now imagine doing that for 20 minutes. Now you have an idea of what those 3 hours were like.....GLASS WOOL SHOULD DIE

Ok I feel better...thats all

By the power of Greyskull
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??? I'm confounded [Sep. 16th, 2007|11:58 pm]
[Current Location |Dorm]
[Current Mood |blahblah]
[Current Music |Gears of War]

Ok I've changed my layout once again...im happier with this one anyway it just looks so much cooler. I had a good weekend of sleeping, it was nice. I also got bored and read everybody's LJ and after reading the most recent entry on Alex's I have become confused. I'm pretty sure that we didn't ride The Beast...I don't know, I may be losing it but I don't remeber riding half of the rides that she talked about...oh well.

Well that it I'm out.
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